Listen to the music playing in your head

friends only.....

2007-09-02T22:36:07Z

It's now only friends only, now....soooo

jthm_julia @ 2007-08-26T12:33:00

2007-08-26T16:43:50Z

ok so, I haven't posted to livejournal in practically forever. Lest catch up on a bit, shall we?

Ok so Marching Band: Although many things are different, and there are a couple of things I'm not at all happy with, we seem to be moving along at a fast pace.   A good pace. We're getting things done, and at a pace I feel is good. I just used pace 3 times. Although there are times this year when I feel completely frusterated with myself and others, I feel that we'll have an "interesting" season, this year. I'm looking forward to possibly being able to go to florida this year, if I can raise enough money....I'm going to have to work my tail of for it, though.

On a personal note: I feel accomplished with myself by the fact that I am finally starting to lose weight. Finally.
My obsession with anything Beatle related has reached a whole level, as I now have Lennon Shades, which I was very pleased to find.

I went driving again today!   mucho exciting. I love watching my dad freak out. "brake, brake BRAKE!" 'um, dad....I'm 100 feet from the curb, and going 5 miles an hour, I think I'm ok, it's only a parking lot, you know....."

I'm in a pretty happy place right now, and if anything tries to bring me down, thats ok.   I have this wonderful picture to help make me smile! :)

-Julia

oh snap!

2007-07-01T12:35:55Z

So I realize I haven't updated the journal in 7 weeks. well, what can I say? I've been extremely busy, and frankly, I don't usually have the time, energy, or will for that matter, to post. Anyway, I feel quite accomplished, as I got my report card yesterday and I found out I got a 90 overall average :)

I know for most people, that wold be horrible, and they would proceed to cry, but thats the highest overall I've had all year. so it's exciting for me. It also means I can do marching band again next year. That's always a plus.

I'm also excited for the whole 5 week CIT camp thing coming up next weekend. I like not being around my parents. After the first day of Summer vacation, I wanted to get as far away from my parents as possible. no lie.

all for now

Julia

life

2007-05-08T11:33:39Z

I'm afraid of growing up. I see seniors getting ready to graduate, and it scares me, because I'm not ready to leave in two years. I want to stay 16 forever. I just, I guess I'm afraid of the unknown a bit...but I really don't want to go out into the world. I'm not ready. I won't be able to handle all those responsiblities! Ahhhh! This is not happening!

STOP THE WORLD, I WANT TO GET OFFFFFFF!

:(

breaking the mold

2007-04-04T11:38:54Z

I feel like I'm in a haze.

I'm just walking around,doing the things I normally do,
but not doing them at all.

It's like I'm not here. I'm just blending in.
I don't stick out. I'm not different.
I'm just like...everyone else

I need to do something to get out of this slump.
I'm constantly depressed for no reason at all, and everything
people say is getting to me, and I don't know why.

Its like the thick skin I've developed over the years has just....
Disappeared.

The fact that I'm in a perpetual state of exhaustion has nothing
to do with it.

Perhaps things will be better when break starts.

ohhhhhhh snap

2007-04-03T11:37:47Z

well, Spring breaks' almost here.
The joy is overwhelming my heart.
I'm so tired of school
The fact that the musical is over almost saddens me.
But then I remember I have time to do my homework now.
I got this wicked nice Blues Bros. poster yesterday.
It makes me excited

I have nothing more to say

well.

2007-03-29T11:34:17Z

I am so weak.

I showed emotion....it happens to be a real bad emotion for me. I totally lost it at rehearsal last night. Let me tell you, it wasn't pretty at all. I told myself that I was going to be as good as last year and try not to let myself have a breakdown like I had tonight.

So much for that idea.

I had not had a good day as it is, and things just started to go wrong for me at every turn. Finally, after I almost killed susan with the door to the dressing room, I totally broke down. The stress of school, the muscal, family problems that had been building up for months like a huge weight on my shoulders came crashing down on me, and out came the waterworks.

I should have held it in until I got home. Until no one could have seen or heard me. I should of kept a happy face on the whole night. I can actually put that facade on pretty well. I should have at least run somewhere so nobody could have seen me cry. Like the bathroom for instance.

I don't want attention like that. If I get any at all, I want it to be for something, good and/or productive that I do. I look absolutely horrible when I cry.

I showed a side of me I don't like people to see.

lets hope today's better

and......when we break the set down, I am going to KILL that tree/bush/crate thats caused me so much pain BY MYSELF....if they let me.

The only thing constant is change....

2007-03-21T11:36:24Z

So, Its wednesday. The middle of the week , but it also means that there's three days remaining until my birthday, which greatly excites me.

Topic 1
Parts of the musical seem to be coming along quite well, now. However, there are a few scenes where it is complete and utter chaos backstage, and nobody listens to anybody, with the effect that nothing ever gets done. Hopefully, we should be getting the "beach" either today or thursday, and then..."CLOSED HOUSE!" Which should probably help a lot, because it should take some of those shananananannagans out of the prop hallway.

Topic 2
I am sick and tired of trying to get everyone to want to be my friend. You'd think I'd have learned by now that you can't get everyone to like you, and I know that I have more foes then I do friends. But I want to be a likable person, dispite my enormous flaws. It's apparant to me now that that will NEVER happen. So thats it. its over. If you don't like me, screw you. I'm not going t try anymore, it takes up too much energy. On that note, The fact that I've just lost one ore two friends, for reasons unkown to me, I've gotten over it. Fast. I've turned to the way I want to go, and I'm not turning back.

Topic 3
My grades are starting to look up. I'm happy

and now its time for me to depart.

Member of "The Wicker Chairs"

The only thing constant is change....

2007-03-21T11:36:00Z

oh for God's sake, John, SIT DOWN!

2007-03-18T22:05:04Z

my favorite song from one of my favorite musicals ever

Cool, cool considerate men

Dickinson:
Oh say do you see what I see?
Congress sitting here in sweet serenity
I could cheer; the reason's clear
For the first time in a year Adams isn't here
And look, the sun is in the sky
A breeze is blowing by, and there's not a single fly

I sing hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna, hosanna
And it's cool

Come ye cool cool conservative men
The likes of which may never be seen again
We have land, cash in hand
Self-command, future planned
Fortune flies, society survives
In neatly ordered lives with well-endowered wives

We sing hosanna, hosanna
To our breeding and our banner
We are cool

Come ye cool cool considerate set
We'll dance together to the same minuet
To the right, ever to the right
Never to the left, forever to the right
May our creed be never to exceed
Regulated speed, no matter what the need

We sing hosanna, hosanna
Enblazoned on our banner
Is keep cool

What we do we do rationally
We never ever go off half-cocked, not we
Why begin till we know that we can win
And if we cannot win why bother to begin?
Rutledge:
We say this game's not of our choosing
Why should we risk losing?
All:
We are cool

To the right, ever to the right
Never to the left, forever to the right
We have gold, a market that will hold
Tradition that is old, a reluctance to be bold.
Dickinson:
I sing hosanna, hosanna
In a sane and lucid manner
We are cool
All:
Come ye cool cool considerate men
The likes of which may never be seen again
With our land, cash in hand
Self-command, future planned
And we'll hold to our gold
Tradition that is old, reluctant to be bold.
We say this game's not of our choosing
Why should we risk losing?

We cool, cool, cool
Cool, cool, cool
Cool cool men.

jthm_julia @ 2007-03-07T20:13:00

2007-03-08T01:24:35Z

You know those days where you just want to scream "LEAVE ME ALONE! I don't want to deal anymore!"
Its one of those days.

I am just plain sick and tired of people insisting on making my life miserable. Personally, I feel that they seriously need to rethink their goals for each day and change them from "making Julia's life a living hell" to "doing something more productive...like actually having a life." I suppose I give them some reason for them to verbally abuse me in such ways, by exsisting, but honestly, I don't know how much more I can take of it. Having had to deal with this for most of my life, I have developed a somewhat thick skin. However, there is only so much I can take. Really. I'm running on empty right now, only fumes. school is coming down on me reallyhard right now, and I'm trying so hard to keep my grades decent so I don't lose marching band next year. Rehearsal is really starting to crack down, and people in school are just....tiring. I want to yell "Stop the world! I want to get off!" But it won't help, because the world never stops. I need a break from life.

Someone save me.

jthm_julia @ 2007-03-01T07:22:00

2007-03-01T12:30:52Z

I feel like I'm pulling away from people. I feel like I want to withdraw....Im definately not having as much fun as I was having a cuople of weeks ago with the musical...and school has just become a day where I have classes. I don't even feel like talking to people much. Whats the matter with me??? All I want is to go back to a couple of weeks ago, when I felt happier. I don't even know whats going on! I haven't talked to some people in days, and I usually talk to them non stop! It's like I'm not even here, because I'm not co-existing with others! I've be come a fricken hermit! I just don't know whats going on with me. It's like I'm somebody else. I'm trapped inside myslef, screaming to get out, but I'm not listening. I'm just....."going through the motions"

Somewhere only we know

2007-02-26T22:55:12Z

If only if only the woodpecker sighs....
so...I'm waiting for my mom to finish cooking dinner, we eat, and then....DUN DUN DUN BASKETBALL GAMEEEEE!!!! I can't wait to knock the pants off of St. Thomas. It's going to be mega-fun.

Anyway, I actually had a good day today....really I did. I found out that I actually got an acceptable grade on my last test in math. Its the best grade I've had all year in that class. I also got a perfect score on my oral in italian! I was so pumped after that! So, today, overall....a not so bad day. To be honest, one of the best I've had in weeks. Even rehearsal went well for me(even though I had to leave early to go eat and get ready for my basketball game)

to change the subject, I'll tell you one thing, because I haven't ranted in a couple of days. I am sick and tired of people constantly being idiots. All. The. Time. There are a few( I will not mention names) in almost all of my classes, who are just...so clueless. It just makes me wonder....how in the world they became like that. I suppose it can be credited to the music that they listen to, the stuff they've been smoking, or just media itself thats so... in lack of a better word, crappy for the most part.

ohhh.....SUPPAH TIME!

CUIDADO! Llama!!!!!

<3Julia

The only thing constant is change....

2007-02-24T01:01:25Z

Lord, give me strength. I have had just about enough of this fuckin' break. Seriously, I absolutely will not tolerate another minute with my parents....they're driving me insane.

I'm not feeling so good at the moment, perhaps it was that giant brownie I ate a couple of hours ago. I honeslty have to stop overeating and eating healthier.....a lot.   I'm lucky I'm tall, because if I wasn't, I would be a giant ball of fat.

I know I'm not generally a musical type person, but I've really been listening to a lot of musicals lately. I'm anything but a fanatic...but I'm starting to get more interested in that area.

I've been a kind of a slump this past week. I haven't really wanted to do much of anything lately. I know one of my biggest flaws is procrastination...but It's been really bad this week.   I honestly need to get off of my fat butt and do something for once. The den needs cleaning again..perhaps I'll do that. I feel quite OCDish about cleaning the den...I've done it at least once a week for 5 weeks straight now...it NEVER stays clean, because thats where most of the traffic is.

Speaking of traffic...I'm not looking forward to driving anytime soon. The people that drive around here, for the most part, are maniacs.  Quite a few of them haven't even heard of a turn signal, a lot of them tailgate like there's no tomorrow, they cut people off, and act like it's the other person's fault...ect. But honestly, I don't know why I'm complaining....its New York. I must say that the people up here are almost as bad as NYC drivers. I know from plenty of experiance it the car with my parents. Since my mom grew up next to the city on the island, she learned how to deal with road hogs...she's very patient with drivers that lack sanity. I know I won't be, no matter how hard I try. I will be a good driver....just not one tolerant of the mentally insane drivers out there. You'll probably see me on the news "Crazed teenage driver dukes it out with alledged tailgater" I can see it now....

Julia

hmmm

2007-02-22T17:44:16Z

So , I haven't been doing much over this small week break thing.
I suppose you'd think I should be doing something productive, but no. Here I am at the computer...yet again. ANYWAY.... on monday, I went to visit my grandma in NJ for her birthday which had passed over the weekend. While I was there, I got to hear more about my Uncle's nasty divorce, and how my cousins are handling it. Joy.

I have recently discovered the musical Jekyll & Hyde, and I absolutely love it. I love the music, and just the whole musical in general. I read the book a long time ago, so I thought I would give the musical a shot....and you have seen what happened. I should probably go practice now....

<3 Julia

Keane - Somewhere Only We Know

I walked across an empty land,
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.
I felt the earth beneath my feet,
Sat by the river and it made me complete.
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

I came across a fallen tree,
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.
AND if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know.

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So, tell me when you gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.
AND if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, so why don't we go,

Hmmm yea,

This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know.

sigh

2007-02-14T15:08:15Z

So, today is valentine's day, and for the 15th one in a row, I've had no one to share it with. You know what, thats alright with me, because I've gotten used to it. It really doesn't even phase me anymore.

We have a snowday. I absolutely adore snow. It's so pretty, especially when it's fresh. It looks so clean, so immaculate. And then we have to go shovel it. It just took me about an hour and a half to shovel the old lady's driveway across the street. I hurt my back and strained something in my shoulder....but it's all good now.

I have much more to say...but no time to do it......

*sigh*

sigh

2007-02-12T00:39:28Z

Gandalf: I once knew every spell in all the tongues of Elves... Men... and Orcs.

Pippin: What are you going to do, then?

Gandalf: Knock your head against these doors, Peregrin Took! And if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find theopening words.

Band Concert

2007-02-10T00:25:49Z

Last night was the band concert......and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I think it was the first time I actually had fun playing music in jazz band. Partially because I got to play Blues Bros(love love love LOVE the movie).....and partially because I actually wore sunglasses.....:)

Concert band was amazing....I put my all into the music, and felt every emotion we were portraying deeply. I let loose every single ounce of anger, betrayal, and sadness into Epinicion....and I felt great afterward...And Flok Dances was just a blast.....every single wierd analogy I wrote on the music...including "breadlines...oppresion...Happy villiage people....and STALIN!!!" came to life when we played it.

I talked to my parents after it...when it comes to how music should sound...they're pretty old fashioned....they didn't really like epinicion much....but the really liked folk dances...But I think they didn't really understand...like most of us in the band did....

What can I say...they're parents.....non-musical to boot

Julia

Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

.....tee hee

Sigh

2007-02-05T12:31:19Z

well, another weekend has come and gone.
And I have to leave for school in less than 5 minutes.
We won out basketball game on saturday.
Colts won.....YAY
lets just say, I had a somewhat dull, average weekend.

Nothing exciting ever happens around here.....

Hmmphh....

It's all black and white to me

2007-02-03T00:52:06Z

I got more sleep last night. Thats always a good thing...I think this last fit of insomnia is finally over. It will probably be a while before another one comes upon me.

I spent my day to day lounging around the house, watching the snow fall....occasionally cleaning the den downstairs, and having some much-needed alone time with my saxophone. I loved every minute of it, because I never get to do things like that.

I was very happy to see the snow fall today. I truly love winter, and I'm glad its showing its true colors. Tomorrow I have Bob-time at church.....Joy of joys. after that, basketball game. I do hope we win again, I honestly wasn't very happy when we ended our streak on monday....but...it's only for fun, afterall.

yours,
Julia

yet another one of my ramblings

2007-01-31T00:48:49Z

I'm starting to wonder about my own health.....
Today was one of those days where you see yourself in someone else's eyes. I was completely disgusted and taken aback with myself. I honestly don't know why I have friends. lets list off the negatives, shall we?

I am...
- Anti-social
- Angry ALL the time
- violent
- unhappy
-spaz out about the stupidest stuff
-too weird to talk to
-scare people
-have very few friends(Gee, I wonder why?)
-eat like a pig
- a frequent insomniac
-don't talk to people I don't know
-try to be funny....but I'm not at all
- always dripping with sarcasm
- very cynical
- boring
- complain about anything and everything
- very unfriendly
-talk to myself
- have either very thick or very thin skin
-frequent mood swings
-either happy, sad, or blind with rage
-freeload....
- sometimes too hyper
- depressed a lot
- lonely
- continuously hallucinate at night
- paranoid
- way too negative
- pessamistic
- perfectionist

and there's SO much more...

Positives
-......I can't even THINK of one.

this scares me, because...well because it may mean I have some sort of problem...I 've told my parents about this, and the ysaid they'll look into it...but I don't think they believe me....

WELL WELL WELL

2007-01-30T12:34:41Z

hermmm.....so...life sucks....I'm not even going to lie to you, I feel like total crap. Still grounded...but freedom is starting to show its light at the end of the tunnel....i know for a fact that i'm not gonig to be happy when I get my report card...its looming in the distance, I just want it to go away. *sigh*

I honestly don't have much to say.....

LULLABY (GOOD NIGHT MY ANGEL)

*Verse 1*
Good night my angel time to close you eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say

I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Where ever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away

*Verse 2*
Good night my angel now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay

And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

(Musical Bridge)
Do do do do...

*Verse 3*
Goodnight my angel now it's time to dream
And dream how wondeful your life will be
Someday your child will cry and if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me

Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on
They never die that's how you and I will be

aww....I love that song

yours,
Julia

Just another Manic Monday....

2007-01-29T12:22:48Z

so, I've finally gotten a livejournal. whoop-de-frickin-doo. anyway, today is the first day back from Regents week. I can't wait to see all the people that lothe and dispise me again. rrrr. I'm dreading my report card coming in the mail...because I know it won't be good at all.

you know what I can't stand? When people who get amazingly high grades are freaking out when they found out that for english or whatever...they got an 90 instead of a 91. then they complain about how they'll never get into college and crap like that. I have to seriously control the urge to slap them upside the head. Its a difference of 1 POINT! If you think that grade's bad, then my grades should make me an untouchable of some sort. it just lowers my self esteem ever more when I hear stuff like that. Same thing goes for when skinny girls complain that their fat. If their fat, what does that make me...a frickin apartment building? *Big sigh*

another thing I'm having a hard trouble coping with, are people that have nothing else to do but put other people down....IE: Me. I mean seriously...if all they do in their spare time is think of ways to torture people, they really need lives.

I have so much stuff to do today, but I don't want to do it. I want to crawl back into bed and just sleep forever. Sadly, no one can do that anymore.

-Me, myself and I